One day my ten-year-old son came home from school crying. When I asked him why he was crying, he said his classmates at school had been teasing him because he hadn't had sex yet! Can you imagine? Ten years old! -Dr. Rosa Befidi-Mengue, CamerounAdolescent boys often feel strong social pressures from their peers or even from their fathers to have sex in order to prove they are not "sissies," not gay; that they are "real men." For boys as well as girls, these first sexual encounters can be stressful and dehumanizing. They can also set in motion a chain of sexual encounters in which girls are treated as sexual objects with no feelings or rights. Instead, girls' bodies become "proving grounds" for masculine identities. The following sentiments were expressed by boys in Brazil:
When I was fourteen, people used to say, "You have to do it, you have to lose your virginity. . .it'll be good for you. You'll feel like a man." -Mairio
So you put it into your head: "I've got to do it. If everyone else does it, why don't I, right? What's wrong with me?" -Ski
Your first time comes, and you can't tell anyone, "Wow, that was my first time". . . 'cause you've already said you've done it. I mean... lies just keep growing. -Mauri
A time comes when that mask becomes your own face and you don't know who you are anymore. -Gugu
My first time, it was beautiful but very brutal. It's true, it was very brutal. -Mario
My first time, I couldn't do it because I was really afraid.... I cried. -Fernando
Programs are clearly needed to reach adolescent boys directly with different images of what it means to be "male" -- that is, caring, informed, and responsible.
Boy's quotes excerpted with permission, from the video "Meninos: A Primeira Vez" ("Boys: The First Time"), produced by ECOS (Estudos Comunicaca em Sexualidade e Reproducao Humana), 1990, Sao Paulo, Brazil
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