What the Speaker of the House said:
If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in
a ditch for 30 days because they get infections . . .
--Newt Gingrich
Dusty's Response
Veteran's Day 1996
Dear Newt:
I recently heard you pontificating from your lofty, authoritative forum as
Speaker of the House that women shouldn't be in combat because they get
"infections."
How someone who didn't pass junior high biology got to be Speaker is beyond me. Isn't
there some sort of test? At any rate, as a licensed, competent medical professional,
let me assure you, Mr. Speaker, that women do not get "infections." They
have menstrual periods. Just as many people who haven't been in Vietnam have
difficulty dealing with the subject, it appears that some people who have never had a
period seem equally uncomfortable with that subject. I can tell, Mr. Speaker, that
you yourself have never been in combat. If those soft, manicured, chubby little
fingers and that broad, spongy ass didn't give you away, the statement about women and
combat surely did.
In the first place, Newt, the relationship of blood to battlefield is a bit more
significant than the 2 ounces of blood a female of reproductive age loses every 28 days or
so. You don't have to take this on faith: lots of us Vietnam vets have real combat
snapshots to prove it.
In the second place, Newt, your argument is moot: women have already been in combat a
long, long time. I myself, a female Vietnam veteran, have been in combat. Let
me count for you the exact ways I have been in combat, Newt.
1. First there was the Quartermaster Corps. Most nurses, upon arrival in country
(that means "combat zone" for civilians like you, Newt), were issued uniforms.
In my case I had a choice: between too wide and too short. If I chose the too
wide model, my pants slid down to my knees, since said uniforms were not designed to be
worn with belts. If I chose the too short model, the lifer head nurse threatened to
put my long, skinny ass on report for the improper wearing of the uniform. Then
there were the boots. Canvas boots seemed to be in short supply, so the women were
generally issued leather ones. Even those of us who were assigned to Cu Chi, which
is Vietnamese for "Hell's lobby." And then there was the issue of size.
In the human species females generally have smaller feet than males. However,
the Quartermaster Corps decided that the smaller sizes, (like the men's 5, equivalent to a
women's 7, the average size worn by American females) were to be issued exclusively to the
Vietnamese. So most of us spent a year walking around Vietnam as if we were playing
dress-up in Daddy's boots. (I know it was a mistake on the part of the Quartermaster
Corps, but they inadvertently did something right: since I happen to wear a man's size 9,
I was the only Army nurse in Vietnam whose boots fit.)
2. Then there were the Viet Cong. They paid no attention to the Geneva protocols,
ostensibly because the august body of the American Congress never bothered to declare war;
hence, the other team was not obligated to observe the wartime provisions of the Geneva
agreements. The most obvious effect of this state of affairs on me was that the
hospitals I was assigned to were regularly subjected to rocket and mortar attacks.
So much for women not being in combat, Newt.
3. While being rocketed by the VC, I also discovered that I was in combat against U.S.
Army regulations. One such regulation deemed that our lives were in greater danger
from the attentions of our male bunker companions than we were from the above-mentioned VA
rockets. Hence, we were not allowed to enter the bunkers during red alerts. If
the siren sounded when we were off duty, we were to don our helmets and flak jackets,
crawl under our bunks, and press our heads up against the sandbagged outer wall of our
hootches. Newt, the Army is even more ignorant of female anatomy and physiology than
you are! They didn't seem to notice that women come furnished with equipment that
makes it impossible for a flak-jacket-clad female to FIT between the floor and the bottom
of her bunk. It was an insoluble combat dilemma: we females never did learn how to
unscrew our tits before donning our flak jackets and crawling under our bunks.
Another example of the Army's concern for the welfare of female personnel was the
declaration of nurses as "non-expendable personnel." That meant that
nobody was supposed to kill us. That also meant that we were no longer allowed to
ride in helicopters. Instead, we were to travel only by road. Newt, I know you
never had the pleasure of riding over the Hoc Mon bridge, but rest assured that every time
I traveled over said bridge, we took fire. Pray tell, what kind of improvement was
that? In addition, every day there was a convoy from Saigon to Cu Chi called
(naturally) the Cu Chi Express. It frequently took all day to traverse the 40 klicks
or so by road--land mines, Newt. Instead of taking a couple of hours to make an
emergency blood or meds run, it now could take up to 2 days--if we didn't hit any land
mines. Believe me, Newt, I would rather take my chances with a chopper cowboy any
day.
4. I know I already mentioned male soldiers in the above paragraph about the bunker
problem, Newt, but we female personnel were thrust into combat against our male colleagues
in another way, as well. It seems that the PXes sometimes stocked feminine
necessities for those times when we had "infections"--but when we sought such
items at the PX, we discovered that the male soldiers had bought up all the said feminine
necessities because they had discovered that they were excellent for cleaning M16s.
The cotton is great at absorbing grit, condensation and oil, and that little string just
loops so perfectly into the eye of that cleaning rod. Well, I have great respect for
the American male soldier, Newt--they are brave, resourceful, and above all,
creative. Their ingenuity in getting the job done knows no bounds. However,
Newt, they did not seem to take into account that perhaps those little cotton items were
needed by someone else for their original purpose. I will admit, Newt, that on this
point you were right: said situation did place female personnel at a distinct combat
disadvantage a few days a month. Not that we weren't also resourceful.
Especially in operating rooms, we had access to certain bandage materials. In
particular, we stocked wound packs for deep, open wounds and a large, bulky, absorbent
dressing for massive draining or suppurating wounds--gee, Newt, did you have to puke on my
shoes?--which we could as a last resort press into service for feminine needs. In
order to appreciate the effect of this last resort, Newt, I would like you to stick a
surfboard into your shorts, then try to walk with your knees together.
You see, Newt, women HAVE been in combat, whether you think it is a good idea or not.
And in all humility, I suspect that the males who served in Vietnam would rather
have had me there with them than you. They know that at least I'm not afraid of a
little blood.
Dusty
©1996 by Dusty
Return to Dusty's Prose or Poetry
Return to Dusty's Home Page
My Vietnam Related Websites:
Women in
Vietnam ~ Not only nurses served . . .
Dusty's Home
Page ~ Poetry and prose by a woman who was a nurse in Vietnam
Emily's
Poetry ~ By a Red Cross Donut Dolly
Battle
Dressing ~ The Journey of a Nurse in Vietnam
Tim
O'Brien's Home Page ~ National Book Award Winner and Americal Vet
Shrapnel in
the Heart ~ The most moving book you will read on Vietnam
The
Irish on the Wall ~ An effort to locate the Irish who died in Vietnam
Project Hearts
and Minds ~ Help put Viet Nam back together
All About
Vietnam ~ An annotated bibliography of books about Vietnam for sale
thru Amazon Worldwide!
Photos
from a Holts' Military History Tour ~ My trip to Vietnam, February 1998
Illinois
Vietnam Women's Memorial ~ Honoring all the Illinois women who served
My Other Websites:
Chicago
Theatre Z - A ~ This is the best theater town in the country!
Writers
Theatre of Chicago ~ And this is the best theater in town
Literature
of the Korean War ~ Don't let the literature be forgotten
Poetry
of the First World War ~ Owen, Hardy and others
Samuel
Pepys ~ One of my favorite authors
Gil
Thorp ~ THE Coach
Maybe
Later . . . ~ My Creative Nonfiction
Chi-COW-go
~ Cowz plus Commentary (this used to be a cow town)
Graham
Fulton, Scottish Poet ~ Charles Manson Auditions for the Monkees
Soccer
Literature ~ I'm a fan and I read
O'Leary Lantern ~
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Other Important Websites:
PreviewPort.com
~ Connecting Authors and Writers Worldwide
Remember
Oklahoma City ~ Civil Service and Military Employees will never forget
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