"Initiated in Agony" ~Dusty

Initiated in agony by insensate physiology,
today I join my smiling foremothers in secret sorority
as I hold my firstborn son in my arms.
The air echoes with mysteries whispered about
by ageless unseen women bound and covered 
gathered at the wells and marketplaces and courtyards,
sandaled footsteps sibilant on stone
stirring dust as they chatter of intimate concerns, 
of pain and peril, virgin giggles of wonder and delight,
novices in simple and everyday miracles.

Five pounds of promise and possibility,
I cradle him very, very close.
Exhaustion invites idle musings
of his future triumphs and delights,
mighty challenges and conquerings,
amid the humble routine dailiness of his mother's boundless love.
Today I am a lifegiver, a deliverer of futures and dreams.
All the things that love can wish, I wish for him, of him,
and in his name.

Womanly, motherly emotions I weave
as tightly around my heart as I possibly can
a garment of mail to guard against intimations of disaster
of knowings I would rather not face.
Sarah, when you laughed, was there no tint of tragedy
in the future-pictures of your love's imaginings?
Hannah, could you dream your womb's longing
would be so cruelly fulfilled?
Mary, how did you bear to bear the child
whose destruction was foretold?

I look at this tiny face and see
shadows of boy-warriors' suffering,
bodies torn beyond my powers of solace
answering the voices of the mighty
to offer themselves for the honor of cowards.
If I should bear a dozen sons
I shall never understand:
Why did you not warn me, my mothers?
Why did you not warn me?