The answer to that question depends on the person you’re asking. The American Heritage dictionary defines dialogue this way:

1. A conversation between two or more people.
2. Conversation between characters in a drama or narrative.
3. An exchange of ideas or opinions.

Anyone who works with anyone knows that dialogue is an essential part of our daily drama, whether at home, at the office or working in the community. What’s more, we know that the more effective our dialogue, the more effective and rewarding are our days. But like any communication, a good dialogue is more than just two people babbling at each other; there’s more to it than meets the eye…or ear.

If you ask a communication or organizational development professional, dialogue is indeed an exchange of ideas or opinions between two or more individuals, through electronic, print or face-to-face vehicles. But dialogue can also be a more formal communication process in and of itself, employed to work through hurts, enhance understanding and community, and reveal new and healthier ways of working together. Welcome to Dialogue, with a capital "D".

Dialogue stems from work done by physicist David Bohm, among others, who, based on the observations of anthropologists working with indigenous cultures, identified a process by which conversation happens, assumptions and judgements are exposed, perceptual filters are revealed, real listening occurs and true communication is finally able to emerge. How does this formal Dialogue process work as an organizational communication tool? Sarah Fenson, Ivy Sea's Guide for Client Services, shares insights from her own experiences with Dialogue.

These are only a few of the thoughts that cropped up for me during the first hours of a three-day excursion into Dialogue. When I emerged from the experience, though, I opened my eyes and ears to a way of thinking that has valuable applications in the business world.

In exploring just three tenets of Dialogue, we can see how healthier communication and business practices can lead to more successful relationships and more successful businesses.

Tenet #1
Suspend certainty: Try to understand an issue instead of trying to resolve it.

The immediate purpose of Dialogue is not to reach a decision, but to gain insights about an issue and the group’s thoughts around it. In this context, suspending certainty can mean staying open to having an opinion or belief changed by something another participant shares. Being someone who is often in the solution and resolution mode of thinking, there were times when I felt like I’d rip my hair out trying to suspend certainty. But by ‘sitting on my hands’ and truly listening to others’ viewpoints and ideas, I learned more about the topic and the people involved than I ever would have if I operated in a non-Dialogue fashion.

Basically, this tenet allows us to learn from another person. Instead of holding dearly to a perception you believe is right, you suspend it until you’ve heard and absorbed the other person’s thought.

This is counter to the traditional American culture where individuality, competition and certainty-of-opinion thrive. Try this technique on for size at your next meeting or brainstorm session, and see how it benefits you, your group and your business.

Bite-sized application

When working with a colleague or client to answer a question or fix a problem, take a step back to review the issue thoroughly, with the intention of learning more about it instead of instantly identifying an answer. Discover the person’s goals, intentions for meeting or expressing specific thoughts, and ask a sometimes-uncomfortable question, "what’s not being expressed here, and why?"

Also, instead of sharing your ideas or planned process to complete a task, ask others for their ideas first. This is particularly important for managers or leaders--people to whom other participants might automatically defer, thus shutting off the flow of potential ideas. Listen with a sense of curiosity and the intention to learn something new. Your respect for another’s ideas, as well as your demonstrated interest in the content, can help you build stronger relationships, deepen others’ trust and confidence in you, and learn something that can enhance your own knowledge and value to the organization.

Tenet #2
Check your intentions: Why do you need to speak?

This concept is at the heart of Dialogue. By investigating the reasons why we say what we do, we unearth the core feelings, assumptions and meanings an issue might have for us, and identify any filters we’re using to define our world as right and others as wrong. An easy way to begin checking your intentions is to ask yourself, "why am I saying this, and what motivates me to share this with the group?" Unhealthy intentions might include power struggles, the need to be right, insecurity, and looking for quick fixes rather than wanting to learn from another person--all of which inhibit true understanding and successful Dialogue.

Bite-sized application

The next time a group ‘locks horns’ in a meeting, ask group members to share their intentions or reasons for their comments. (NOTE: People will only share their true thoughts and feelings if they perceive they are in a safe environment. Be prepared to check assumptions that might surface during this discussion.) The conversation might look like this:

"I’m sensing that we’re at a road block in this conversation. Can we agree to take 15 minutes to explore what’s behind our comments and our respective stances? I’ll start by sharing with you my intention for continually going back to the same point over and over again; I simply want to feel heard and understood."

Remember, this is not a forum to judge or respond directly to someone’s comment. Rather, it is an opportunity for everyone to listen to and learn from the other group members and themselves. Reinforce this if another group member challenges someone else’s comment--you can’t tell another person what he or she feels.

Tenet #3
Explore your assumptions and respectfully check others’ assumptions.

This is tough. People generally take assumptions as fact and express them as such, so it’s hard not to be biased about our own opinions (which we see as 'truths' rather than opinions). And, because it’s almost second nature, people on the receiving end of the communication can take the comments as fact, too. Albert Einstein said it well: "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by the age eighteen."

Assumptions can be dangerous and can lead people toward incorrect solutions or negative feelings for another person.

Bite-sized application

The tricky part of checking for assumptions is doing it tactfully. If you are perceived as attacking someone’s idea, you’ll narrow or shut down any path to a stronger relationship and trust. Try a phrase such as, "I want to make sure we’re on the same page about Issue X. Your comment about Y leads me to believe that you think… Is this true?"

Deciding when to use Dialogue

As you can imagine, a formal Dialogue program isn’t always the best approach to take with a group in business; it’s another tool in your communication toolbox. However, there are instances that are ripe for Dialogue:

• When there’s no alignment on purpose or direction
• When a needed level of commitment for change is lacking
• When a group is stuck and can’t seem to move forward

Also, the group dynamics must be in place for Dialogue to be successful. These dynamics include:

• A leader willing to give up the lead
• A high level of safety with each other
• Someone familiar with Dialogue and willing to coach the group, if needed
• Group members with the patience and desire to learn

Preparing yourself for Dialogue

Dialogue begins with one person, and that person can be you. The next time you’re in a situation where there’s no alignment on purpose or direction, or a needed level of commitment for change is lacking, or when a group is stuck and can’t seem to move forward, ask yourself the following questions to spark the Dialogue process:

• What am I defending?
• What is this about?
• Am I trying to resolve the issue or understand it?
• What filters am I using?
• Am I willing to be influenced?
• Am I willing to learn?
• What am I not saying, and why?

For more information about Dialogue

To learn more about Dialogue, check back monthly for other IVC articles, e-mail us, or visit the bookstore for these and other titles:

• On Dialogue, David Bohm
• Talks and Dialogues, J. Krishnamurti
• Dialogue: Rediscover the Transforming Power of Conversation, Creating & Sustaining Collaborative Partnerships at Work, Linda Ellinor and Glenna Gerard

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To put Dialogue to work in your organizational communication program, contact us at info@ivysea.com or 415/778-3910.