NOVEMBER TIP
It’s tough to build a house--or an effective conversation--without a frame
Think about it. What would it be like to build a house without first constructing a frame? It would be a struggle at best, consuming unnecessary resources, and completely impossible at worst, buckling every time you made progress on a certain section.
Conversation is the same way. Without the proper framing, we can’t be sure our words will stand on their own or be seen by others in the way we intend. It doesn’t matter if the conversation is electronic, spoken or written--without building context, chances are increased that our content will fall flat. By framing our conversation from the start (or taking responsibility for our communication by asking to have the conversation framed), persons involved will more likely share the same understanding of the conversation, thus improving the outcome.
Practical application:
Start your next conversation, memo or article by stating your key point or intention up-front. This is particularly important if the response may be emotional, and you need others to listen through that (or they need you to!).
---- If you have a specific agenda, say so: "I’d like to start with this issue, discuss options, then make a decision by the time we’re finished meeting. Is this okay with you?"
---- If you’re asking for action from the other persons, say so: "It’s important that we get your feedback within 24 hours so the project won’t be delayed. The information in this packet is designed to help you provide that feedback as easily as possible."
---- If what you’re saying will be controversial or upsetting, say so: "What I’m going to say may be upsetting for you, and I might not say it as well as I’d hope. But I really need you to hear me out so we can come to the best resolution for each of us."
In a recent written example, I received a two-page letter in the mail from a service provider. After reading the letter, I had no idea why it was sent. It was meant to provide information about a current business issue, but without the sender having said that at the start, she created confusion about whether it was a new service offering. What could have been an appreciated communication ended up being a time-wasting annoyance. The better approach would have been to frame the letter in the first paragraph: "We want to provide some information about a key business issue, to help you make a better decision as you plan your financial systems. If you have any questions, we’d be happy to put you in contact with an expert on this issue."
