Is it safe to assume?
Only if you love miscommunication
Listening—really listening—is an important part of developing mindful relationships, yet most of us spend more time waiting to speak than we do listening to what our conversation mate is communicating. Add that to the fact that we filter what we hear through a litany of preconceived notions and assumptions, and it’s no surprise that misunderstandings happen so frequently. But there’s hope!
For the next week, commit to using the following Listening Tip in professional and personal conversations:
Tip:
1. Notice when your assumptions impede true listening.
Whenever you find yourself reacting to something someone else has said or done, ask yourself what assumption your reaction is based on. For example, your coworker, Julie, finishes her work and heads out the door at 4:00, and you find yourself getting angry. What assumptions caused you to get angry instead of responding differently? Is it possible that there are other options, such as Julie’s good time management or incredible ability to focus to get things done efficiently? Just noticing your assumptions helps improve your communication skills.
2. Check out your perceptions instead of assuming you’re right.
You’re meeting with Susan, one of your direct reports, and she seems preoccupied. You assume she’s not interested in what you’re saying, and react by getting angry. A better choice: asking Susan if she’s preoccupied and, if so, why. You might say, "Susan, it seems to me that you’ve got something else on your mind and you’re not focusing on our conversation. Is this accurate?" This gives Susan the opportunity to tell you she’s got a headache or is concerned that you’re not happy with her work, etc.
