When it comes to personalities, no one clicks with every person on Earth — that’s what makes interactions so darned interesting (okay, and sometimes frustrating).

You can count on the fact that, during the course of your work, you’ll meet people with a wide range of personalities, including several which push your buttons. To work effectively, efficiently and enjoyably, you can learn how to create positive or neutral interactions with personalities that would otherwise drive you into Raging Maniac mode. Needless to say, this can be a lot harder than you imagine

While we can’t address every personality type, we’ve selected three types with which many people have a tough time, and offered a few specific tools that we at Ivy Sea, Inc. have used to increase understanding and build rapport.

The Power Junkie

The Withholder

The Eager Puppy

THE TYPE — The Power Junkie
In every meeting, this person tries to wrangle control and power from others she perceives as threatening to her stature. Wanting to be the top dog and seen as the most knowledgeable, the Power Junkie will interrupt, squelch ideas, intimidate others, and dole out tasks — even if her role isn’t to assign responsibility.

A TOOL — Acknowledge talents using respectful language
Generally, the Power Junkie just wants recognition for her talents, and acts out based on insecurity. By acknowledging this person’s expertise in a specific area and seeking her opinion, you’ll help quell her fears of appearing stupid or not having her expertise recognized. Don’t retreat from communicating your recommendations or counsel simply to placate this person, but don’t be so attached to being right that you end up in a power struggle with a Power Junkie—no one really wins.

THE TYPE — The Withholder
Also working from an insecurity around power issues, the Withholder doesn’t share information that will help you do your job, even though it might ultimately benefit him. In explaining what he needs from you, he might leave out the fact that core decisions about the project haven’t been made, or that there is a bigger budget than he’s communicated to you. The reasoning behind this action might be to hang on to perceived power, to make himself look better, or to test your abilities and trust in him. Whatever the case, the Withholder is setting you up for a very hard-won success, if not outright failure.

A TOOL — Clarify, clarify, clarify
The best approach to take with the Withholder to is ask clarifying questions every time something is unclear or you’ve received a mixed message. Follow-up each question with a statement clarifying why you ask, and how it’s a benefit to the Withholder, i.e., making his job easier, providing a product that meets his expectations, representing him in the best way possible, etc. Finally, pay attention to the "red flags" you’re perceiving, clarifying what you’re able to do and what’s not possible, given the information or resources you’ve been given. List out all information you need to ensure a successful outcome, or be clear about what outcome is possible with the information and resources you have. If neither of these seem possible, seriously consider refusing the project.

THE TYPE — The Eager Puppy
So enthusiastic about his work and the project, the Eager Puppy will start spewing ideas, concerns and answers way too prematurely. While his vivacity is refreshing, it can be contagious. Before you know it, meeting participants have agreed on a solution without examining or knowing the full story or assessing the reality. Solutions have sprung from ideas and opinions, not informed research. Needless to say, the result is a solution that doesn’t fit the problem (because the solution pre-dated an assessment of what the problem actually was), leading to an unhappy client and more work in the long run.

A TOOL — Slow it down
Agree on the purpose of the meeting at the start and spell out what points or answers the discussion needs cover in order to reach that goal. Whenever the conversation veers off from the key point of the meeting, lasso everyone back in. You could say, "That’s a topic we may have to cover during the course of the project. For now, let’s work on [the purpose of the meeting] to ensure we address the key reason we’re here today." Another effective way to slow down the Eager Puppy is to ask probing questions. When people are taking ideas as fact (not asking questions that can help qualify or expand the idea), it is a sign that they are ratifying the idea as the next action item. Step in and ask a question to halt this common meeting phenomenon. For example, "Before we even start talking about an online newsletter as the answer here, do we know that the audience has online access? What do we know right now that will help us clearly identify realistic next steps?"

In closing...

The starting point for honing your facility for skillful interpersonal relations is knowing your own personality and how you react to others. Then expand your toolbox for managing your own communications and reactions so you don’t get your shorts in a twist when you encounter a personality that doesn’t gel with your own.

For more on dialogue skill-building

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