IS YOUR BODY LANGUAGE CONGRUENT WITH YOUR WORDS?

Do you sometimes feel that others receive your communication differently from the way you intend or mean it? Do your discussions have a different effect on your relationships than what you expected or wanted? You might want to consider whether you’re creating nonverbal barriers that send mixed messages.

Doubt it? Then consider this: Studies show that what you say— your words—accounts for only 7-percent of the reason others draw a specific perception of you. The balance—93-percent—stems from body language, facial expression and voice tone. Your words may bely your feelings, but your body and voice rarely do.

Nonverbal barriers to effective communication

• Incongruent words and body language. If you’re praising someone for a job well done, but aren't making eye contact or smiling, what message do you think your audience is receiving? Your facial expression contradicts the apparent meaning of your message, and the listener receives conflicting messages, reducing your credibility. To be most effective, your voice tone, body posture, breathing, muscle tension (or relaxation), gestures and movements should be in alignment with your words. Make your gestures and facial expressions congruent with your message. If you aren't sure of your own body language quirks (things you do without realizing it), try videotaping various conversations to check out your physical communication.

• Voice tone. You've no doubt experienced anger or hurt stemming not so much from what someone else said as how they said it. Voice tone accounts for about 38-percent of how people respond to what you say (or how you respond to them), which is why many people experience problems in electronic communication—there's no voice tone to modify or soften the words! One good example, since many people have no idea that their voice and body tell tales their words don't, is to tape several routine conversations, so you get a sense of how you sound and can assess whether your communication came across as you intended. Of course, if you tape, ensure your discussion partner gives her approval!

• Mixed signals. Be careful not to send mixed signals through your body language. For example, your employee might perceive you to be angry with them because you have a frown on your face when speaking to them. You may not be angry at all, but simply concentrating on what the person is saying. Be mindful of your body language.

• Re-Acting instead of responding. We often "re-act" to another person based on something that’s happened to us before. Responding rather than re-acting requires self-knowledge and discipline, but it’s critical. For example, an employee has just entered your office, where you’re having coffee with a colleague after a trying day. She asks you—for the third time—for clarification on an assignment. If you re-act out of frustration or anger, this inquiry will escalate into a relationship-damaging interaction, and possibly set a negative impression of you with your colleague.

One professional response: Stepping out of ear-shot of your colleague, you might say something such as, "We’ve spoken about this several times, Frankie, so I’m a bit concerned. You agreed to do such-and-such for the Miller project, and get that to me by tomorrow at 3:00. Can you tell me what you understand your assignment on this to be, so we both feel confident about your ability to meet that deadline as agreed?"

• Are you kidding? Sometimes people tell jokes or make light of serious subjects to get their point across. Not all humor is appropriate, and not everyone has funny delivery. In fact, lawsuits have sprung up from such indiscriminate humor in the workplace. Even a simple smile or a wink can either help others understand when you’re joking, or create one more cause for offense. Good judgment about when to use humor, including facial expression, is key! This is even more important in electronic communication, when people can’t see your body language. Take care in choosing friendly, professional language, or use an "emoticon"—the little sign for smile—to make your point. Instead of e-mailing or telling questionable jokes to the entire staff, assume that most people would be offended. Better to be pleasant, and safe, in this regard than sorry.

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