Situation—You don't take feedback well
Welcome to the Human Race. Like many other people on the planet, you want to be skillful and do a terrific job. While you welcome the chance to hear positive feedback about things you've done well or areas in which you've improved, you deflate and then react when it comes to more critical feedback. Ironically, an immediate reaction to negative feedback or constructive criticism prevents us from truly listening, which in turn prevents us from gaining valuable information that can help us become more skillful.

Tip—Take a pause and ask some questions
Fortunately, this is an area in which we can go proactive and get some practice, thus increasing our skill in gracefully receiving and applying constructive feedback. Try these reminders on for size the next time you seek, or someone else offers, constructive criticism:

• Remember that not everyone is skilled at giving negative feedback in a constructive way, and it's a lot easier to hear someone who's being constructive.

• Separate feedback from personal attack. The former is when someone is addressing an area of your performance on, say, your job at work. The latter -- a personal attack -- is when someone makes a derogatory remark out of anger or fear.

• When someone offers feedback, even if not phrased as constructively as might be ideal, acknowledge your interest in hearing feedback that results in better performance and ask for clarification on what, exactly, might be improved. For example, "I appreciate your feedback, since I'm always interested in refining my skills. When you say you think I could be doing a better job on the Ditto Project, what specific things would you consider improvements?"

• If you feel yourself reacting, put your feet flat on the ground, take a breath and remind yourself that you can ask questions and get information that can help you improve your performance. Flip "you're not very good at..." comments to "in what ways can I improve my skills..." questions.

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