Ivy Sea Online: Workplace boundaries-how far should you go?

AUTHENTICITY IN THE WORKPLACE
FAMILIARITY IN THE WORKPLACE: HOW FAR SHOULD YOU GO?

Spending a minimum of forty hours per week with the same group of people will undoubtedly result in a "loosening of the ties," where conversations might drift to a favorite movie, tips about a new restaurant or the latest political joke. While strong teams are the glory of some managers and the desired result of management consultations, there could be a dark side to it all: A group of people whose behavior is too familiar, crossing the accepted lines of "business casual" communication.

Even the meaning of the word "familiar" gives us a hint that the boundary is moving. To be familiar might mean common, intimate or unduly bold. While there are certainly common, and therefore familiar, aspects of the workplace, is work the right place to be intimate or overly bold?

Sure, light conversation can help people relax, rejuvenate after a long day, build stronger relationships and lead to more productive teams. However, a misstep toward inappropriate conversation or behaviors, such as unwelcome political jokes, or overly personal questions, can lead to:

• Lawsuits,
• Loss of talent,
• An unwanted change in the company culture,
• A decrease in quality,
•Over-management of or "babysitting" co-workers (which creates more work), and
• Low productivity.

In fact, according to a survey released in June 1998 by the University of North Carolina’s Kenan-Flagler School of Business, workplace rudeness or incivility can hurt commitment, productivity, morale and the bottom line. Of the 775 persons surveyed about rude workplace behavior, 53 percent said they lost time worrying about the incidents, 22 percent said they decreased their work effort and 10 percent said they cut back on the hours they worked. Almost half said they contemplated quitting their job, while 12 percent actually quit.

Knowing that unacceptable behavior and discussion is often classified as rude, business owners and leaders should take note of this and other findings.

Preventing the dark side of familiarity — overly casual or inconsiderate behavior — requires clear communication to outline what’s accepted at the company, and adept interaction skills to deal with a situation that is in progress or has occurred.

Quick tips for leaders

Make the policy clear: Leave no room for guesswork when it comes to your company’s policies regarding behavior and subject matter that’s clearly offensive and off limits in the workplace. Repeat these messages in appropriate vehicles such as the employee handbook, performance goal meetings, and when incidents arise. Explain the policies in plain language and tie them to the company vision and employees’ roles whenever possible.

Identify communication "outs" for gray areas: Since one person’s boundary might differ significantly from another’s, underscore that areas of ambiguity do exist — many comments don’t come close to broaching the more clearly egregious harassment boundaries — and employees share responsibility to communicate discomfort with certain topics or behaviors that many others might find perfectly acceptable. There are instances where slights are truly unintentional results of colliding world views, and we can all help raise awareness by simply communicating that a comment or topic is offensive to us. If we feel comfortable doing so, we can share the reasons why, further aiding the cause of mutual respect and understanding.

In situations like these, everyone in the firm could use a common phrase, such as "Stop! I’m not interested in hearing this topic or seeing this behavior," to help everyone in the company feel more at ease communicating boundaries.

Stay tuned into people’s responses: Watch, listen and pick up on the cues people send when too-familiar interactions occur. What may seem friendly to you might repel another person. Employees’ body language, changes in behavior or lack of desire to work with particular colleagues are clear signs that an unwelcome interaction may have occurred. Query employees when these or similar signs appear. Consider 360-degree feedback loops and/or bringing in a consultant or advisor to determine what’s happening and how to solve more sensitive issues or establish boundaries for more ambiguous situations as a group. The more sensitive and highly charged a situation is, the more important it can be to work with a highly skilled facilitator.

Be an active model: Reflect on how you might be fostering unwanted conversation or behaviors through your actions or inaction. An effective way to gauge this is to enroll a trusted third party to interview employees, gaining honest, confidential responses.

Establish safe feedback forums: Receiving feedback about your personality is rarely easy, which can make giving that feedback equally difficult. Therefore, provide a comfortable forum for employees to share their thoughts about interactions that they feel are overly familiar. The forum doesn’t have to be a place, but rather a method, such as language and framing that helps set the stage for a productive conversation. The Dialogue approach can be a beneficial tool for discussion topics such as this where a person’s intention, assumptions and judgments are key components of more sensitive issues.

Quick tips for employees

Learn the policy: You’ll never know what behavior is unacceptable until you know the policy, and even then, a policy can only cover the more clearly egregious scenarios. If there is no formal policy, ask.

Identify the norms: Understand that a written policy, organizational social norm or our intuition might tell us that there are clear boundaries between having levity at work, for instance, and downright inappropriate conversation. As one old saying goes, refrain from talking about personal issues of money, politics or religion unless these topics have been "cleared" with your colleagues before-hand. Issues you might discuss with a close friend or family member might be inappropriate topics for discussion with colleagues.

Don’t assume anything: This tip could appear on most, if not all, communication tip sheets — it’s that important. However, as it relates to familiarity in the workplace, be sure that you are not making inferences about what territory to venture into based on a previous conversation or interaction. Without explicit approval (yes, we mean ask) to discuss or behave in a certain way, you are leaving the door wide open for a weakened relationship, a tarnished reputation or, in more egregious cases, a lawsuit.

The point isn’t to nullify all conversation or squelch potential friendships, but more to foster a healthy "think before you speak or act" practice. If you think someone might have mutual interests in, say, personal financial management, politics or faith practices, or if you have a question in an area of interest to them, perhaps schedule a coffee break or lunch and inquire respectfully. You can learn a lot by discussing hobbies, reading interests and volunteer experiences. Once mutual boundaries become more apparent, respectful conversation gets easier.

Be aware: Watch, listen and pick up on the cues people send when too-familiar interactions occur. What may seem friendly to you might repel another person. Employees’ body language, changes in behavior or lack of desire to work with you are clear signs that an unwelcome interaction may have occurred. Use these cues to learn more about how people prefer to interact, and to determine where the line of familiarity begins and ends in your workplace. As always, ask if you’re unsure whether you’ve crossed a boundary: "It seems like what I’ve said might have made you uncomfortable, which I certainly would never intend. If my comment offended you in some way, I’d sincerely like to know so I don’t make the mistake again."

Take personal responsibility: If you’re feeling that some interactions are too familiar in your workplace, communicate just that, ideally to the person himself. If you don’t feel able to tell the person directly, let someone know so that a solution can be found before a crisis develops. Otherwise, your silence can be seen as agreement and the behavior will probably continue. Other people don’t always know what offends us, and very often the boundaries are not easily defined because people have different opinions. The key to providing your feedback is to frame it with your intention for offering it, shared goals (e.g., "We both want to have fun here and do great work"), that it is your perception (not fact), and how the behavior affects you. Be prepared to offer mutually rewarding solutions, too.

This information provides food for thought rather than counsel specifically designed to meet the needs of your organization. Please use it mindfully. The most effective leadership, interpersonal or organizational communication plans are those that have been tailored to meet your unique needs, so don't hesitate to contact us or get assistance from a qualified adviser.