You’re in a meeting when someone says something that offends or angers you. You instantly feel the heat of fury climbing up your neck. Even though you think the comment was meant as a joke, you’re reeling, and want to make your perspective known. Before you can think through it, you hear "righteous indignation" streaming from your mouth. With anger driving this emotional 18-wheeler, you could do permanent damage to the relationship.

Tip: Check your emotions and facilitate yourself

Emotions are what make us unique, and yet when we’re not mindful of the power that those emotions can have over ourselves, we’re not being aware of who we are and the affect we have on the world.

In situations where your emotions are taking over and your response is actually a re-action, pause before speaking or acting. Put both feet on the ground, take a deep breath and try these tips:

Facilitate yourself: Employing tactics typically reserved for meeting facilitation can work wonders on yourself. Ask yourself, "What’s going on here; is it something I want to explore now or table it for later? What would be most effective for this group’s common goal?"

Discuss the situation: After gathering yourself (checking your voice tone and facial expression), tell the group that you’d like to respond to the comment, and include your intention for doing this. For example: "I reacted to that comment pretty strongly, and I might not express myself as clearly as I want to, but I want to share my thoughts because…"

Consider carefully: Remember that sometimes your own assumptions and "hot buttons" prevent you from hearing what another person actually says, or from understanding it fully before jumping to a conclusion that the other person is in the wrong. Whether because it's an emotional response that could have clouded your perception, or perhaps because different people have different opinions on the matter, you might consider that it's not a "right - wrong" issue and requires a mindful, curious (rather than a divisive and self-righteous) response.

Be thoughtful: Before acting or reacting, consider what forum is best for response, if any. Perhaps an impromptu discussion after the meeting will allow you to connect with the other person on a more meaningful level. Maybe a group discussion — at the meeting — would help you share a relevant perspective, broadening the group’s awareness. Better yet, before leaping to a conclusion that you're right, ask a question or two to enhance and clarify your understanding of what the other person really meant ... or actually said (versus what you thought you heard).

When considering these options, which may transpire in the five seconds after the comment is made, ask yourself, "How do I want to look back on this interaction, and to what result?" Your answer will help guide you to the most appropriate action.

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